Understand
by Glee Klaine Fanboy
Summary: Aftermath of "Chaos Rising" and "Fireflies". Established character death. Erica's gone, but her death has taught Derek an invaluable lesson about love and life. Mild Sterek.


**Understand**

Summary: I cannot begin to summarize a story this immense any better than I already did. You'll just have to read it.

Pairing: Sterek

ooOoo

Stiles felt a tear streak down his face as he looked at the casket about to be lowered into the open grave. First it was Heather, his childhood friend, that was bad enough. This couldn't be real.

"Now as we commit Erica Reyes to the earth... " the minister's voice barely registered in his mind.

Another tear fell. He remembered something Erica had told him months ago, though it seemed only yesterday. She'd always wanted him. Why was that coming back to him now?

The casket was slowly lowered into the grave and he choked on a sob. Arms wrapped around him supportively, Scott's arms. His best friend had stood next to him the whole time, his own tears falling silently.

"Why Scott?" Stiles sobbed into his shoulder. "Why?"

"I know it hurts," Scott whispered with a sniffle. "Hurts me too. She didn't deserve this."

Stiles wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his black dress shirt, giving a mighty sniffle, trying to control his tears. People were starting to leave already, those who didn't want to stick around.

Finally it was just them and Derek and the pack. Someone would be coming to fill in the grave soon and they'd have to go. Derek kept looking at the casket in the open grave, expression like stone, eyes dead.

Stiles thought he looked so lost, but he knew better than to say anything. Derek might really rip his throat out at a time like this.

Derek didn't see any of them. His mind was on that night they'd broken into the bank. If only he'd gotten there sooner. It was his fault Erica was dead.

"My fault," he whispered.

Isaac placed a hand on the alpha's arm supportively. Cora and Boyd weren't there. No one blamed them of course. They probably still felt incredibly guilty about it all. Peter just stood by, expression strangely calm and resigned.

Derek thought back to that night, standing in that vault with Erica's lifeless corpse in his arms. He'd never forget her face in death, never her face in life. She'd once kissed him like she was some hotshot. That was their Erica...

"Derek," Stiles spoke carefully. "It wasn't your fault."

Derek looked at him with those lifeless blue eyes, lips turned down into the saddest frown Stiles had ever seen on that face. Stiles found himself walking forward, arms opening, and then Derek was sobbing into his shoulder.

Stiles wrapped his arms around the older man, rubbing his back in gentle circles.

"Shhh," he soothed Derek gently. "Its okay. It wasn't your fault. Promise."

Isaac, Scott, and Peter simply stood and watched the moment play out between them. Stiles gently raised Derek's chin with his hand.

"Look at me," Stiles whispered gently. "It wasn't your fault."

Derek inhaled shakily, and wiped at his eyes.

"Thank you Stiles," he whispered.

Derek managed to compose himself fairly quickly, launching into alpha leadership mode. He looked around at them all, managing to keep his composure this time.

"We lost one of our own," Derek addressed them. "Being a werewolf isn't always easy. Sometimes we lose pack. I know Erica wasn't with us long... "

His face became sad again and he wiped a hand across his eye. He couldn't make a long, drawn out speech after all.

"Remember her," Derek finished in a low voice. "Remember Erica."

He turned away and started walking. Stiles watched him go with a concerned look on his face. Scott placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He'll be fine Stiles."

Stiles shook his head in disagreement.

"No he won't Scott," Stiles sighed. "He shouldn't be alone right now. I'm going after him."

Scott wanted to argue, but Stiles had already pulled away from him, walking after Derek. He increased his pace to catch up. Derek stopped and turned to face him with a scowl.

"Stiles what are you doing?" he asked, but he couldn't make his voice sound threatening.

"Making sure you're okay," Stiles said. "And please Derek... don't say you are. We both know you're not."

Derek's scowl became more like a frown, but he didn't argue. He just looked at Stiles for several long moments like he was trying to understand him.

Here was a teenager, a human teenager who he punched, threw around, and threatened, yet here he was. Derek couldn't figure him out. He felt something strange inside of him as he continued to think about it.

"You're right Stiles... I don't feel like going home. Not yet."

"You want to go to my place?" Stiles offered. "Dad's at work."

"Yeah," Derek nodded with the smallest of smiles. "I actually think that sounds about perfect."

Derek climbed into the passenger seat of the familiar blue Jeep. He watched Stiles steer as he drove, acknowledging the thoughts he was having about the boy.

Erica's death made him feel certain things, like how temporary and fleeting life can be. Erica had died, but at least she hadn't died alone.

Derek didn't want to die alone either. Rather it was next week or seventy years from now. Her death had driven that home to her, that he didn't want to be alone.

"Stiles," he spoke in a slightly shaky voice. "I want to talk."

"Well go ahead," Stiles shrugged, eyes focused on the road.

"Erica's death has made me realize some things. I realize how precious life is. We're lucky to be alive Stiles. Erica didn't make it, but we don't have to let her death have been for nothing. I know we have a lot to live for. She'd want us to Stiles."

Stiles' expression became thoughtful as he continued to focus on his driving. He was listening.

"She taught me something else," Derek went on. "How powerful love is. Boyd told me that he loved her. That he was there for her... until the end. We don't know how much time we have Stiles. I'm realizing life's too short and too hard to face alone."

"What are you saying Derek?" Stiles asked, turning to look at him thoughtfully.

"I'm saying that... " Derek hesitated, not sure how to say what he wanted to say.

"Its alright Derek," Stiles encouraged him gently. "Tell me."

Derek looked at that face again, that fair-skinned face, that brunette hair the teen had grown out.

"I think I love you," Derek whispered.

Stiles didn't want to hear those words, or not just then anyway. He'd just lost Erica and Heather. Besides how did he know this wasn't just Derek acting out because of his own grief? What if he didn't mean it tomorrow?

"Derek I really appreciate flattery and everything," Stiles began.

"This is not flattery!" Derek growled at him. "Pull this Jeep over!"

Derek sounded so angry suddenly that Stiles didn't dare argue. He pulled over onto the shoulder, tires treading against the road.

"I'm sorry," Stiles apologized, looking at Derek with those gentle eyes. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

Derek felt his anger dissolve into those eyes. He couldn't stay angry at Stiles, not with what he was feeling.

"I apologize for yelling," he said quietly. "Its just that it wasn't flattery Stiles. Look into my eyes."

Stiles gazed into Derek's blue eyes, feeling surprise at the sincerity and emotion burning in those depths.

"I meant it," Derek said. "I have feelings for you Stiles. I know I don't always show it, but I worry about you."

Derek's expression fell again. Stiles couldn't believe the alpha was actually sincere about the things he was saying, but there was no mistaking Derek's facial expressions. The wolf meant it...

"Derek," Stiles said gently. "I care about you too. I just want to be sure this isn't some passing feelings because you're upset and need a shoulder."

"It isn't. I meant what I said. I don't want to be alone anymore. Do you?"

Stiles frowned a little, but not because he was upset at Derek. He frowned at the impact those words had on him when he'd just lost Heather and Erica. He had no right to want to be anything other than alone right now. He couldn't insult their memories like that, and yet it was true. He didn't want to be alone.

"No," he whispered. "I don't want to be alone."

Derek's eyes continued gazing into his. This wasn't right. It was the day of Erica's funeral. Yet hadn't he said it himself? Erica would want them to live life to the fullest, to reach out and take hold of what they wanted.

Derek moved closer to Stiles, scooting over a little, raising his hand to gently stroke the boy's fair cheek with his thumb.

Stiles felt his lips part slightly. He gazed into Derek's eyes. He felt like he was being drawn forward. Derek moved in the rest of the way and their lips met in the most gentle of touches.

Every bad feeling within Stiles seemed to evaporate into Derek's lips. The alpha gently moved his hand to the back of Stiles' neck, pressing his lips against the boy's just a little more urgently before pulling back.

Derek felt like his lips were tingling with something, like raw static almost. The boy's cinnamon eyes held him again.

"I love you Stiles," he whispered.

Stiles felt something shift inside of him at those words. He held Derek's gaze, seeing the sincerity in those blue eyes. It was his Derek, his Sourwolf, and he felt his lips curve up into a smile.

"I love you too Derek."

ooOoo

Author's Note: I don't want to go any further and risk ruining what I've written here. I believe this is a beautiful piece I've written, and I hope you all think so.

I felt like I had to write it after seeing tonight's episode. Reviews always appreciated.


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